This past week from Tuesday to Sunday I served at two retreats: one for Pilgrim Church in New Jersey, and one for Chodae in New York. I can honestly say that not much was gained from the first retreat with Pilgrim. I was not connected with the students, our team was a bit flustered, and the vibe of the retreat was overall quite weird. I admit that it probably was my own fault for not gaining much from this retreat due to lack of spiritual preparation and such.

This entry is mainly for the retreat I just came back from, the Chodae retreat. I expected to see some new things, and boy was I not dissappointed. God responded completely to the yearning in my heart. I never expected to have gotten such a strong spiritual impression from a middle school retreat. One thing that I have learned is that this forthcoming generation really is something we've never seen before. This is a generation of pain. This is a generation of grief. This is a generation that needs God's love more than ever. 

I had no idea. At a teacher's meeting I heard about girls who are already struggling with eating disorders. A 6th grade student was sent alone by her parents from Korea to America, with no real plans and no idea who Christ is. A student whose parents are non-Christians so the grandma forces the student to attend the retreat. As I listened to the stories of these students, my hardened, calloused heart began to crack open, wider and wider and wider...and I realized that I just wanted to lavish love onto these students who are going through so much pain, who are trying to be accepted so badly that they force themselves to grow up and try to act older and sexier...It's like a foreign generation to me...how at one moment a student can be on their knees, crying out to the Lord, completely broken, and then at the next moment curses are flying out of their mouths.

This is the new generation. I came to be reminded once again that I had no authority in the changing of any life, that anything good from me came from the Lord. I truly came to realize what it means for God's power to be perfect in my weakness. As I knelt down during the closing prayer of the final night, I felt Pastor Sam's hand on my back, whispering to me in prophecy, "The Lord is pleased with you.." Now I'm a bit skeptical sometimes when it comes to the charismatic side fo Christianity, but I knew without a doubt that those words from Pastor Sam's mouth were from God...and I was completely broken from them. The Lord is pleased with me. Even in my complete and utter weakness, the Lord is pleased with me.

The Chodae retreat was a blessing. A true blessing. Like one of the praise team members put it, it truly was some "spiritual rare candy."

Now that I'm home, I'm excited to see where God's leading my life as I see new doors opening up. I wonder where I'll end up next!